im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
