That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
