i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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