Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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