Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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