the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
