put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
