We're facebook friends in real life
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
