the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
