after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ladies don't puke and tell
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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