ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
