Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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