the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She even gives head with a lisp.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
