Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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