I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
