I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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