Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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