Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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