btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
