that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
