; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
