I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
