If that was your dad, he is hot
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
