I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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