she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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