I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize