You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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