My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
