i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize