**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
