is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize