I murdered the dance floor call the cops
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
