It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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