He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize