You smell like stripper and shame
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
