did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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