I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
