I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
