Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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