All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize