i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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