I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
