I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize