Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
