a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
