I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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