I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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