do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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