My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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