i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
