When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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