I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
