I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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