i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
