WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
