Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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