She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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