hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize