Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
