so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
