Me too!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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