wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
