biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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