I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
