I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
