Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
