I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
