im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
