this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
