Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
