Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
