I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
