he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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