Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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