I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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