you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
