her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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