If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
