im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize