Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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