But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I had to cum in my sink.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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