my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
