pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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