Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
