drinking out of a sandbucket again
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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