You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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