the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
