I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
