Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
