I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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