Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
