Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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