what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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