Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
