.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well I just put wine in my tea
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
