Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
