When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize