at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
