Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
