He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
