Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
